HoW bLeSsEd We ArE aNd MaY wE nEvEr FoRgEt

Most of you know that my job is pretty hard and I see a lot of things that most people couldn't handle. For me I saw the hardest thing this week. Something that just ripped at my heart. For those of you who don't know what I do, I work for Child Protective Services (I investigate child abuse and neglect and determine the safety of children and then determine if they can stay in their home or need to be removed). But what i saw is not something that happened at the begging but something that happened after the child were removed.
In this case it was 6 kids that had been removed from there home over 2 years ago. The mother and father have used drugs through most of their lives and because of the drug use this has caused neglect on their part. The children where removed and the Judge ordered them to work a case plan. A case plan is created to help create a safe environment for the children and teach the parents how to keep this environment safe. Every 6 months the family goes in front of the Judge and report there progress. This particular family would work and work and continue to fail to keep off drugs and create and maintain a safe environment. After a year of a child being in foster care it is mandated by federal law to go forth with termination of parental rights. In civil court this is seen as the civil death penalty. YOU LOSE YOUR KIDS AND YOU KIDS LOSE ANY TIES TO ANY FAMILY THEY MAY OF ONCE HAD AND THE KIDS BECOME A WARD TO THE STATE. . ITS PRETTY SAD!
The parents do have another option and they can relinquish there rights which is pretty much the same thing but instead of a Judge finding you an unfit parent you sign your rights away! There is a catch . . . if a Judge terminates and you later have another child and there is abuse or neglect that is found, and the child has to be removed from the home, the state does not have to work with the family and the Judge will immediately make the child a ward to the state. (Man this is taking a long time to explain this but stay with me).
So at the last court hearing with this family the Judge gave the parents a chance to relinquish or terminate rights. The family choice to relinquish their rights. A relinquishment is a lot of paper work and needs at least two social work witnesses (that do not includes the social worker that was the case manager) and a notary. The paper work has to be written with certain words and each document has to have original signatures on each one. (In this case with 6 kids we all had to sign over 160 times on numerous documents, that's how serious this is) As the paper work was read to these parents that these 6 children would no longer be theirs, that they no longer had any rights or say in anything that happened with these children again, They were asked to sign. To sign away all rights, all power, all connection to these 6 children that for the last 14 plus years they have loved and somewhat cared and shaped and had a relationship with, to sign to no longer be part of this and to no longer be part of these kids life. Before they signed these words were reminded to these people THAT THIS IS A IRREVOCABLE DOCUMENT, that once these are signed this can not be undone. As i thought what that really meant; my heart sunk. . . NOT only for these parents but for these children. YES this is a better life for these kids but growing up knowing that your parents gave you up because they couldn't give drugs up (which all these kids know). That is just heart breaking.
Now this is not my first relinquishment (which is sad) but I have never experienced one like this. One so empty, so lifeless, so emotionless. I think what broke my heart the most was the parents. Their expression was nothing. They carried on conversation like we were having a lunch-in. They cared more about how long it would take. No tears, no guilt, no nothing. Not even joy that their kids will be in a better home. It was hard for me to see these two people who made choices to have these 6 beautiful children and then choice something so worldly and so selfish. As I continued to sit and watch these parents I could tell that they didn't fully understand what they were doing or had done.
The Spirit took over from there and I immediately became thankful for my parents for my family. How blessed I am. Then the shame and the guilt came. All those times that I thought my life was bad that I wished I had another family. How SELFISH of me, how naive of me. I will forever remember this experience in my life. I will forever remember how I felt that day. How blessed we are to have what we have. To have the family that we have. To be safe, to be loved, to be cared and protected by people who love us and people who put us first and above their own needs, desires and selfishness. I hope I never forget that, and as I start having my own children I pray that i remember this, I hope i remember to tell my children that i love them every day but not only tell them but show them, to put their needs high on my list, to give them that safe comfortable place where they can call home, where they can grow and know of their worth and value. Where they can have that example of love and kindness and truly know what it means to be safe and cared for. May i be so lucky to find a man that will put our kids on his high priority list. I hope we all remember who we are and how loved and blessed we are to be were and with who we have!
Now I'm sure most of you wonder how and why I do what I do. . . I don't know sometimes how I do it. I just know that the Lord helps me and he gets me through this. I love my job and while its hard and I see things that no person should have to see or live through. . . I can't help but know that God has prepared me to do this. That this is one of my callings on this earth, and while i find it hard and draining I know that this shapes me and makes me a better person. I know I wouldn't be who i am or where I am in my life today with out these experiences. Everyday I thank Heavenly Father for the reminder of the good life i have for the knowledge i have and most of all for the opportunity to help these children have a better life, to help teach these parents how to be better parents and to make there home a safe and loving place. I don't regret this job for one moment!

CAN'T BELIEVE IT

So I'm in Utah for the weekend visiting Family. . . and I can't believe how much it feels like home to me! How much I just want to be up here! Its kinda crazy because I am so NOT a Utah girl at all, and to be honest Utah people (not all but a good amount of them) bother me (nothing personal to people from Utah or who love it. Its more a personal reason for myself)! Before i know it i will be living here. But I'm the type of person once I get here i will want to be somewhere else!!!! But for now I better get my butt in gear, I have a lot to do!